Thumbs up for the quinny – OUCH!!

Well as I announced I am one very lucky person indeed. A chosen one if you will. I have been gifted the task of reviewing the Quinny Zapp Xtra as part of the quinnycasters team. One of twenty five extremely fortunate people. As part of our duties for reviewing the Zapp Xtra we are set monthly tasks in order to add interest and spice up things a little. This month we are to be creative in our unpacking of the pushchair. I had wonderful plans for this.

Sadly, I have a big FAIL on my first assignment. I just couldn’t do it. I could not resist opening the Quinny Zapp Xtra and opened it before my husband was home to film it. What makes it worse is in my over zealous dragging of the box to the living room and tearing it apart like a woman possessed, I gave my right thumb a huge paper cut. Ok, so it was worth it. I would go through practically severing my thumb again for the Quinny. I wonder if I offer my left thumb to Quinny I’ll get the accessories to go with? My husband would say I’m over exaggerating, well he’d be hugging the sofa for the next few nights at least; So it is probably best he says nothing. When I read this through to him, he is too lazy to read it, I’ll give him the warning look at this point, just in case he forgets himself for a moment and opens his mouth.

In order to make up for my impatience this month I asked David Groves, popular cartoonist and family man, to give me his take on the Quinny Zapp Xtra in cartoon form. He has not disappointed and I’m sure you’ll all agree he has really hit the nail on the head where the Zapp Xtra is concerned. I wonder if his work was based on a familiar scene with his wife and daughter? David can quite often be found enjoying our beautiful seafront on the south coast, mostly pushing his daughter in the pushchair, and perhaps daydreaming about the new Quinny Zapp Xtra? David’s first choice career may have been an astronaut but I’m glad he was deterred and took up on his art work as I’m not sure he could have done this cartoon for me from outer space??

Look out for my up and coming blogs;

“Is the Quinny Zapp Xtra Good? Bad? or Ugly?” I ask mums and dads their honest opinions on the look of the Zapp Xtra.

“The design solution for the Quinny Zapp Xtra buggy board?” I ask my engineer friend, Graham, to design me a Buggy board to fit the Quinny Zapp Xtra, can he do it?

“Is the Quinny Zapp Xtra man friendly?” How will my man and others cope with the daily use of the Zapp, how will the Zapp cope with them?


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The illusive Quinny Zapp Xtra is still in a dingy warehouse awaiting its saviour!

This morning I got up after a pleasant nights rest, got dressed and put my shoes on to find a mangy, soggy, stale biscuit stuffed inside. Yuk! Courtesy of one of two suspects; Harrison – highly mobile, not always supervised effectively, habit of making his mother curse. Layla – Mobile enough to have placed the biscuit, habit of leaving things soggy, partial to leaving half eaten stuff lying around. The evidence – Not crust shaped (see http://wp.me/pW5U6-m ), almost too soggy to handle, no fingerprints. Well it seems there is only one who fits the profile of a shoe stuffing monster and so now I go to remove all shoes from floor level to ceiling height or there abouts.

Got up rather early this morning to await a Dell engineer, to fix my gaming laptop, and the delivery of my Quinny Zapp Xtra. Ok, so Quinny said Tuesday latest; I’m thinking if I hadn’t bothered getting up early and had a lay in then the delivery would have arrived at my door bang on 8am. I, had this been the case, would have resembled an over excited but under dressed  Sasquatch and the person delivering would have taken one look at my dishevelled but exuberant appearance and took them self, as fast as their legs would allow, into the road and got squished by a speeding bus. So for the sake of the rest of society I got up early and got myself clothed and neatened up, just in case.

The Dell engineer has not long left. He was very efficient and he was rather nice company too. I’m not sure he’d say the same about me; Anyone coming to my house should be aware that the extent of my conversation for most part of the day is baby talk and toddler talk. Have you tried talking about current affairs with a two year old? So the poor guy probably couldn’t wait to escape as his ears were being verbally assaulted by my chatter. Oh how nice it was, talking to someone who can actually understand what conversation means.

Well I’d better get back to waiting for the delivery man. It is that or actually interact with my children, I know which I prefer!

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The mystery of the missing Quinny Zapp Xtra!

Oh why me? Why delay my Quinny Zapp Xtra? Why mine???? The delivery van I have been so gleefully waiting for over the last few days has gone and put itself in my bad book bracket. It isn’t a place I’d want to be frankly; Rubbing shoulders with my wonky boob, the fox who keeps pooping in my garden and the whole of the nhs health service. Delivery will now be by Tuesday, what is the betting I get mine Wednesday?

Wonky boob? Since two small teeth put my right udder out of action I have had the issue of uneven breasts. One looks ample, the other like a soggy nappy. To improve the look, when clothed, I have been using a chicken fillet on my right side and you wouldn’t know to look at me that there was such an issue lurking underneath. All I can say is it is lucky I’m not dating. Do you remember the issue men had with the wonderbra? False advertising and such like? Well If a random guy was to see my naked bosom they’d be having me arrested for fraud.

Oh pants! Distracted by my mutterings for five minutes and Harrison has sneaked a yoghurt and is attempting to spoon it into Layla’s gaping mouth. Need I say more than 2 year old, seven month old, carpet and yoghurt?

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Eagerly awaiting the Quinny Zapp Xtra!

Eagerly awaiting the Quinny Zapp Xtra!.

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Eagerly awaiting the Quinny Zapp Xtra!

Well it has been a whirl wind of a time lately. In short I have sold a house, been homeless, bought a house, become a quinnycaster, lost internet access, using a temperamental dongle, had health scare, with son, and daughter has cut more teeth and is also now crawling. For some people this would have happened over some time but for me it all came at once.

I cannot go any further until I tell you about my new home. Ok so I am bragging slightly, I cant help it, I have come from a two up two down mid terrace and have landed in a four bedroom semi with 200 feet of garden and so much room to swing more cats than I could possibly count, or in fact have the strength to swing. I’m sure your’ll catch some pictures of it as the blogging continues.

Harrison has been unwell and in hospital. He is fine now but still fighting with me three times a day when it comes to taking the antibiotics. I use a syringe and have lost count of the times that I have squirted the creamy goo across his cheeks as he pulls away in disgust. Oh and not to forget the times I have had to wipe the aforementioned goo from his chin as he gleefully opens his mouth and lets it dribble out. Sadly he now thinks it is a game and has hysterical laughter as his dad and I try every which way and how to get him to take his meds. Just yesterday he ran almost the full length of the garden in his pyjamas while I gingerly tried to catch him in my aptly named slippers. I caught him and ended up with one slipper left at the end of the garden, him tucked under one arm in fits of giggles and half a syringe of goo up my other arm. It is the last time I suggest a breakfast in the garden when the husband is blissfully unaware at work.

Layla is crawling now and I have decided to get her a collar with a bell. Imagine the scene me washing up or ironing or some other boring task and from nowhere the ankle grabber attaches herself to the bottom of my legs leaving me unable to manoeuvre or even turn to lift her up. I am positive Harrison spent more time getting away from me when he learnt to crawl, or maybe that was just wishful thinking?

Since moving in to our new home just over a week ago, my lovely hound has painted her white fur in fox droppings exactly three times. If it happens again she is living in the garden. After the second time it happened I have taken on the duty of doo doo hunting every morning. This clearly has not worked as I refuse point blank to get behind the bushes to hunt out the nasty and that is exactly where she found some this afternoon. I hosed her and shampooed her in the garden and she avoided me until her dinner time. Will she ever get it? If she didn’t roll in undesirables she wouldn’t need a wash!

I had some really good news last week; I have been chosen to become a Quinnycaster. I get to road test the new Quinny Zapp Xtra and tell everyone all about it. It will hopefully be here by the end of the week and I’ll give you every detail of its arrival, I cannot wait. I have opted for Rebel Red and photos will follow.

Oh and while I am here I have to tell you about http://www.pushchairtrader.co.uk an absolute must if you are looking to buy or sell a pushchair!!

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The secret to having a tidy home.

I have learnt, too late, the secret to having a tidy home. Do not have children or pets. Anyone reading this, who hasn’t yet dabbled with either of the fore mentioned, take this as a warning and keep away from the opposite sex, oh and the pet shop. I have given up with having nice stuff, people should come to my home expecting it to be a messy shrine to my children, you know the view; Crayon drawings on the wallpaper, juice stains on the carpet, toys littering every inch of floor space and in the midst of it all the family dog sprawled out so as to take up as much room as is humanly possible.

It isn’t like I have just given up, far from it. I get up every morning and serve breakfast, clean the dishes, wipe the surfaces and hoover throughout. It is just that by the time I have finished the housework the mess has begun. In fact as I hoover from one side of the front room to the other a whirlwind, by the name of Harrison, is already following closely behind with those irritating obstacles that are more commonly known as toys.

I have been on anti-depressants since having Harrison. I tried a brief spell without them, however I found it most difficult to bite my tongue. I was pregnant with Layla at the time and some poor woman who bumped me with her trolley, whilst shopping, got a mouthful and had she uttered one word back I think I would have needed to be carted out by the men in white coats. A complete over reaction? Yes, most definitely. But not completely uncalled for. You see she bumped me twice. I hadn’t moved was still standing in the exact same spot as I was the first time her trolley clipped my back end. Had she apologised I would not have had the sudden urge to exclaim “EXCUSE ME WOULD SUFFICE!” at the top of my voice. She looked at me with a look that can only be described as the way in which a restaurant critic would look at burnt offerings. I was less than impressed by this and had we been anywhere other than the supermarket I might have done something I possibly would have regretted later on. So instead, in my if you do not get out of my face I’m going to do something you’ll regret voice, I said “keep walking.” She did and that was fine. Well not exactly, you see later on I spotted her talking to, one would assume, a friend. I could control myself no longer and proceeded towards her, my bump thrust out like a weapon, my eyes boiling with anger and my chest so inflated, with my shoulders so far back, that I could have easily been mistaken for pigeon. “So you can talk then?” I didn’t give her the chance to answer. “Shame you cannot apologise when ramming pregnant woman with your trolley.” Still no pause for any response. “Or do you pick on pregnant woman because you know they are extremely unlikely to react?” Her face began to glow red. “Well, you picked on the wrong pregnant lady, I suggest you think again before being such an ignorant cow!” I turned triumphantly and in my mind plotted finding her car in the car park and writing in lipstick across the windscreen an unpleasant surprise. Sadly I had no idea which car would have been hers, nor did I have any lipstick.

Well I’m off the tablets again!!! Ever since the trial period with out my daily dose, my doctor accepts my repeat prescription no questions asked.  Just recently my doctors surgery has merged with another and instead of my request for more tabs falling on my own doctor’s lap it fell on that of a complete stranger. Does this imbecile not know my need for this drug? I suspect he will do when I go steaming in there with out an appointment and park my backside in his office and refuse to leave until my prescription is written. Although it has been a couple of days since my last pill and still I haven’t actually come to blows with anyone, so I’ll save the hijacking of the doctors surgery, for now.

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You think I’m kidding?

I made my son’s birthday cake a few weeks back and it went almost perfectly. My only issue was the fact that I can’t have put enough sedative in the batter mix because he didn’t go quietly from the venue and was most distraught when the hired bouncy castle was disconnected and collapsed. Why am I telling you this old news? Well as you asked I will tell you. I have been asked to make several other birthday cakes since and am facing two in June alone, is this my new vocation in life? Sadly no.

I have a rather unpleasant job to go back to after the end of my maternity leave. I work for a dehydrated dingo dropping, and a company that reminds me of the uncomfortable feeling of being in the presence of a baboon with grotesquely over sized, sweaty balls. I’m not sure of the legalities of naming this company and my dingo dropping boss, so I wont mention their names. It is really painful for me to hold my tongue, I don’t tend to be the quiet, sit back and say nothing type, so S*** J**** should count themselves lucky that I can’t mention them.

My hubby has been home today which afforded me the privilege of a bath in relative peace. I say “relative” as my bathroom is not far enough away from my house to be served with the luxury of actual peace. I’m sure every parent who reads this will be completely understanding of the scenario; Mother wants a peaceful bath, children are noisier than ever. Go figure. The moment the taps were turned on Harrison was stripping off. I tried in vain to explain that “mummy is going to bath Layla, then mummy is going to have a bath. You will have a bath after your tea, sweetheart.” Still his nappy came off, followed closely by his socks and he held is arms up for me to take his top off. My bath alone did happen, just later than expected.
Got a cheque in the post this morning, from Full house magazine, apparently Harrison’s picture has featured in issue 19. Nice of them to tell me when we are currently on issue 22! Isn’t it just typical, I get some bragging rights and miss my chance completely! Oh well, in case anyone is remotely interested at such, a late date, Harrison was in issue 19 of Full house.

Disclaimer: No one at S*** J**** is a dehydrated dingo dropping and S*** J**** isn’t the equivalent of being in the vicinity of a baboon with sweaty balls. Not literally anyway.

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