Harrison and Layla, the guinea pigs…

Firstly I have to announce to the world I have heard the funniest thing today; My friend, I’ll call her J, has had a rather embarrassing moment and she shared it with us on http://www.bizziebaby.co.uk/forum/ today and I cannot stop laughing. Basically she greeted a delivery driver, who had come to deliver a parcel, with more than he had bargained for. Put it this way I think I’d be checking my top half was well hidden before opening the door in future. Oh bless you, J, you have really made my day! Can I ask? Was he looking at your face when you were signing for the parcel?

I gave Harrison his lunch earlier and I really have to admire his insistence on not eating crusts. Before I say anything I have tried to peel the skin off the apple before giving him the slices and still he insists on leaving what he believes to be a crust. Even sandwiches with  the crusts cut off are strategically eaten so he can leave the non existent “crust”.  I wonder what would happen if I gave him just the crusts? Would he refuse to eat them, go on a protest or, as I suspect, eat the crusts daintily enough so as to still leave a “crust”? I think I may have to book this experiment in sometime this week.

Hmmm, what experiment shall I do with Layla. I really don’t want to leave her out, she may get a complex and be scarred for the rest of her life and end up in a relationship with a 50 something year old woman, when she is just 18, all because she feels her own mother neglected her at 4mths old. You hear of these stories; “I’m a cross dressing, nymphomaniac, kleptomaniac because my mother didn’t buy me a barbie doll when I was 7 years old.”  I must stop reading these woman’s magazines, they cannot be healthy.  Actually, to save me a lot of time and worry, do you know of any laboratories that are looking for human guinea pigs? I do not want paying, I just don’t think it will be wise to leave Layla out of doing her own experiment, I’m only thinking of her future.

I guess while I have a quiet five minutes, what with Harrison napping and Layla playing with a teething ring, I should take the opportunity to have a nice cuppa and watch one of my programmes on the telly. I am getting rather fed up of hearing myself say “If its not on cbeebies, then I haven’t seen it!”

Posted in Family life, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How to write a blog to the sound of baby cries.

Ok so I can’t actually tell you how to do that. I started with every intention of ignoring her until she fell to sleep, however after writing the title I conceded and rubbed her hair until she dozed off. I was trying to explain to my husband, last night, that I did not start this war, Layla did. He tried to convince me that she has no comprehension of her actions. Ha, she certainly has him fooled, but not me, I’m fully aware that this war is bigger than the war with Harrison, this war is huge. Why else would she be so tired she can barely keep her eyes open yet insist on crying until I am forced to act?

Today, after I settled the time bomb, I got the hoover out and with an immense amount of pleasure hoovered all of down stairs. Pleasure? You read right, pleasure! Hoovering is the one time in the day I can guarantee peace and quiet from the kids; Partly because the noise sends Layla to sleep, but mostly because it drowns them out.

Right now I am sitting on a chair in the front room, in a position that I can get a good look at what Harrison is getting up to in the garden and still watch Layla who is looking rather bemused about her new found freedom in her jumperoo. Harrison is currently scooping water out of his play table and pouring it on, Zuki, our family dog’s head. She is looking neither pleased, by this interruption of her basking, nor unhappy for I’m sure she secretly appreciates the cool down, even if she will never admit it.

You will not have noticed but there has been many a pause in my writing, not caused by writer’s block but my the need to consistently attend to my family’s needs. Whether this be the need to fish Harrison’s watering can from the toilet or the need to stop him from filling it up and bringing it in to front room to give Layla a very much unneeded soak. There also seems to be a need for me to stop him from attempting to climb into the jumperoo with her. Now there is a need to fill up his juice bottle which I had already filled up not so long ago; I suspect the sand pit was thirsty.

Oh and I have a need, a need to stop the older brat from pressing keys on my notebook. Are there any legal child restraints yet?

I have been reliably informed that there is no off button for the monster my husband and I created. I am now led to believe that he is not mine. I am far to angelic to have created such a beast. Maybe there was a mix up at the hospital? Maybe there has been an invasion of the pod people? Maybe I am having a really awful nightmare and I’ll wake up soon and find my adorable little baby boy is as angelic as he ever was? Maybe I should just remove the rose tinted glasses and realise, unless he was sleeping, he has never been that good!

As some of you know I am doing a monthly blog for http://bizziebaby.wordpress.com/ and in my first instalment I mentioned a paddling pool, well the saga continues. For those who have not read about my arguments with a certain pool I’ll explain…. We purchased a 6ft inflatable paddling pool on Saturday, it took me an age and alot of puff but I inflated it and was really very pleased with myself. That was until I noticed a puncture in the side right next where I had been blowing the thing up. Well hubby ran out to exchange it to find they had sold out and so they ordered us one in and it arrived today. When he went to collect it he picked up a foot pump, “fantastic!” I hear you cry, that is exactly what I thought when I unwrapped it and plugged it into the pool. “Hang on a moment! This thing isn’t inflating? OH F$*%££”$£””£$$£””$%!!!! there is a hole in the blooming foot pump!”

I swear if I was so inclined I could easily believe the world is out to get me. Oh wait a minute it is!

Posted in Family life | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hello world!

Hello world? Pah! I don’t think so, hello to a few readers maybe but I very much doubt the whole world will be interested in my mutterings and ramblings, well not yet anyway, maybe sometime in the future when I take over the internet like an epidemic…. hmmm, I think not.

I have no idea what to write, I think I’ve used all my writing reserves on the first paragraph. Oh bother! Errrm. Actually I’m not even sure I had any writing reserves to begin with to waste on any paragraph, let alone the first one. Wow! Look at me! Well on my way to completing another paragraph! This writing stuff is coming to me like you wouldn’t believe, maybe I’m a natural?? Or maybe this paragraph is just a waste of the, erm, the what? The screen? It is most definitely a waste of my time but I have so much to waste right now so it can’t be bad.

Here I am actually writing my blog with my little notebook perched precariously on one knee. I am trying my hardest not to wake my 4 mth old daughter, Layla, who is outstretched across my lap and fidgeting at the tap tap tapping of the keyboard. It has only taken me the last 3 hours to get her to drop off. And by drop off I mean sleep, not as you may think drop off my knee onto the rather harsh looking floor.  She is so adorable; When she is sleeping. The moment those big needy blue eyes open, the mouth follows and then even those on the other side of the world aren’t safe from the ear drum bursting racket most call crying. Oh how fun it is! Everything you do is not what she is needing or wanting and you end up making matters a million times worse. Six hours later she’ll make one last little whine and look contented and sleep for hours, it is like her whole aim in life is to have me running around like a headless chicken and when I am exasperated she has achieved her soul purpose and can now sleep until the next episode. Ok, I’m over exaggerating and it is not her soul purpose, she has many I’m sure, I just have no idea what the others are.

So you gather Layla has been a bit if a nightmare lately, she is teething. I really need a clue to what Harrison’s excuse is for his new found behaviour issues. Does a switch in toddlers’ brains activate the moment they turn 2 or is it something I’ve activated? Well if it activates at 2 does that mean it’ll switch off at 3? I’m not sure he’ll make it to 3 if I haven’t got a guarantee that this switch thingy will turn off. If I’ve activated this monster how do I go back? Someone must know something, or not!

Posted in Family life | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments